11/03/2018 at 8:18pm

It has been days, weeks, maybe months since I looked in the mirror at my face. I didn’t even recognize the woman looking back at me. I didn’t know who I was! Have you ever been so lost you don’t know when you are actually lost, until you are found? Mental Illness is real. It’s a battle everyday, every second.

I have been in denial for a while but here goes. My name is Ashley, and I am an overcomer of depression. I refuse to say struggle because that isn’t a word that could describe the constant battle. I didn’t understand I had it until I came into my adult life. I’m pretty good at pretending, smiling, and keeping a brave face but deep inside there are some unanswered questions and wonderous thoughts.

I beat it before, and I can do it again! I beat it every day. Although, some days are harder than others. You have to take care of yourself and be nice to yourself. I realized how much I have been hard on myself lately. I have started to believe the lies of the enemy and the names the enemy calls me. Everything from attacking my character and the mistakes I have made in the past that I know God has forgiven for. And yet, I am still mean to myself.

My whole life I have been in a constant battle to fight for my self-esteem. I’ve always tried to reinvest myself or change to some else’s preference. I did not realize the effect of that on my life until today. Today is the LAST day I will feel like this. God is gracious and He is rooting on me to win this race! I also know my grannie in heaven is cheering me on too. I have to find myself again. I have to get to know myself again. I have to start loving myself!