Reflection: How I left my abusive relationship pt. 3
04/07/2019 at 2:15pm
I was “saved” a lot of times. I had more than one opportunity to run away, get away and never look back! But the root of my problem was still going to be there.
Ready for the next perpetrator to pick up on and finish where the other left off.
So many women at the stage don’t make it out. But God saved me to tell you this from my own lips.
Work
I get overwhelmed and anxiety is a thorn in my side. Thank God for the art of creating a to do list and creating small tasks to help me accomplish mountainous goals. Like my first goal, I need to get help.
Don’t Worry, God’s got it!
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:6-7
I was told several times; YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THE WORK. And that is so true. In order to be completely delivered, there are some things you will have to do for your physical, emotional, spiritual and mental well-being.
I started the mundane task of locating the benefits page on my job’s corporate website. If you are unemployed, type a google search free counseling for women or domestic abuse. The reason I started here because I wanted to talk to someone I didn’t know. I wanted to talk to someone that would understand and/or relate to my experiences. Counselling helped me sort out my problems verbally and provided an avenue to vent in a non-judgmental way. Take your time and talk to someone who you will feel comfortable with.
After I lined up with my first counseling session, I knew I needed to visit a doctor to see about my health. At the lowest point of my life, I got down to my tiniest frame, about 180lbs standing 5’9’. That wasn’t a weight I was proud of because it was pure stress related. I felt unhealthy and weak.
This whole process took me at least 2 months. But I noticed the work I was doing was paying off tremendously. The counseling helped me understand my root problem and I was able to create solutions and find ways to protect and love myself. Visits to my new primary care physician helped me with making sure I was eating right, and it helped me mentally find what works for my anxiety.
I started journaling everyday, even when I didn’t feel like it. I started wearing make-up to force myself to look at myself in the mirror. I started eating so good, I gained my “happy” weight, and I started working out. I adapted to a positive lifestyle, and I started to see a glimpse of a life where I was me, I was free, and I was happy.
As I got better, I wanted a better life and I knew when an opportunity would come for me to leave, I was ready. And I didn’t have to do it alone.
You are never alone. God is near!
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)
This brings me to another suggestion; you need a Support System. A support system will remind you who you were before you found yourself in this situation. Your support system may not know everything of what is going on and it may not be time to share but if they really love you, they will be willing to help in any way that they can.
I am very fortunate to have a loving mother who prays for me every morning and night. I have friends that have seen me at my best and worse. In my trials in my relationship, I kept secrets of what was really going on from them and I pushed them away. And this is what I learned from that; relationships are very important to life. When you have people who really love you, try your best not to push them away. And even if you do unknowingly, know that God is forgiving, and He is a perfect mediator to building back relationships. Never give up on your loved ones and never give up in God’s grace in relationships.
And even as you are reading this and you feel like you have no one to call on, you have the very best person you could ever imagine and that is God. God will send you people. I have had complete strangers minster to me at grocery stores and received kindness from a co worker that I overlook in the break room. If you feel alone, know that you are never alone with God. As long as you are connected to Him, He will give you access to people you never dreamed of knowing.
Pay attention to who God sends to you. The purpose of a support system is just that, support. Only you can do the work but it’s nice to have people around to cheer and motivate you.
I got my faith back in check. I faced myself in the mirror and found to love myself again. I am loving the people around me with help from God. I am going to see my counselor regularly and I pay attention to my body. I am at a point where I feel like me again but a better me! I had to remember what makes me happy and what makes me feel good, and that was helping other people. So, I dedicated time to volunteer at women shelters, volunteered at church and helped my family who were going through different situations. As I was studying the word of God, God gave me opportunities to help other people.
When I am weak, I am also strong.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
We have a future. You have to believe!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
The greatest gift is feeling like I am making a difference. Every day I am learning something new about myself and in turn I ask God to show me how to love even my weakest parts. I pray that you will use God’s word to strengthen you on your journey!